And So We Begin Again :)

Theoretically, a religious cosmology is supposed to inform religious practices. Thankfully, however, since it is impossible for humans—especially one human in the case of a personal spiritual practice—to know the true nature of the Universe, there is some wiggle room on this. What this allows is the chance for change, and I love change because it is only the latest way to begin again.

So if you have been following this blog for the last few months, you know that I have been seeking out Buddhism. I love it! I have been practicing a form of zazen on and off since I was first taught it at 12 years old. Soon after I moved to the Pacific Northwest, I joined a Zen sangha, participated in my first meditation retreat, learned about bodhisattvas and the 16 (Zen) Bodhisattva precepts, and in general had a nice landing place as I learned more and more about Buddhism and its vastness. Lucifer has been at the helm of much of this, finding this sangha for me and firmly encouraging me to pursue cultivating my "inner Buddha nature."

But, ah... Lucifer is the thing, actually. At the zendo, I loved the religious services, loved that the mundane is considered inextricable from one's spiritual path, loved the precepts, but found myself a little exasperated at how exoteric everything else about the sangha was. My temple practice and my home spiritual practice felt way too separated when the former should have been informing the latter. Additionally, Buddhist cosmology disagrees with my own personal experiences about the roles of demons never mind what types of devas (deities) may help you with your karma and why.

My reading about Buddhism inevitably led me to Hinduism, particularly the Shaivist and Shaktist traditions, whose cosmology I was stunned to discover matches my personal gnosis of how the universe exists. Not only that; Hinduism recognizes that one can have an "ishta devata," or deity that favors you. Hinduism recognizes that such a deity can help you burn off negative karma and cultivate positive karma, which Lucifer helps me to do. These branches of Hinduism also posit that all living beings are emanations or otherwise are of Shiva and Shakti; this means the Goetia demons are too, which is why they can help their devotees, usually through pathways that recognize the ability to attain liberation via sensuality.

Oh, and what did Lucifer lead me to recently? A local spring equinox event celebrating Shiva and Shakti.

"I still want you to go to Buddhist temples," he cautioned, "and learn their practices because their methods of attaining liberation are more compatible with you."

What he means by that is, as I have learned in my studies, that Hinduism and Buddhism might share a lot of terminology and concepts, but their definitions, philosophies, and methods deeply diverge. Moksha, or liberation, is one such example. Of the many pathways toward Hindu moksha, the one that appeals to me is about achieving unity with the divine via devotional work. Buddhist Enlightenment, on the other hand, is centered on the elimination of suffering and following the Buddha's Noble Eightfold Path toward understanding already innate unity with the One. Depending on which definition of moksha a person tries to achieve and how, their growth looks a certain way throughout life and when they die they have differing options for where they go (or "go," in the case of Buddhism).

Like all spiritual paths, some approaches are inherently compatible with some individuals, but not others. Buddhism, apparently, is most compatible with my spiritual make up. Where I'm going, Lucifer promises, is as well. That's why my intellectual disagreements with Buddhist cosmology are somewhat less relevant than my metaphysical agreement with the practices.

That said, I have a limit about how much separation there can be between what I have personally observed spiritually and what I can practice. Therefore, I feel an urge to decrease this gap.

Fortunately, a door of possibility has opened there. I wrote recently about how I visited a local Tibetan Buddhist sangha and Lucifer taught me to involve him in samatha meditation. That teaching has been replicated to great success at home, particularly in relation to accepting Lilith's influence, which I imagine I will eventually blog about. In addition, although once again having great differences, Tibetan Buddhist cosmology and practice is more recognizably similar to Hinduism than Zen Buddhism. Tibetan Buddhism not only involves tantra, which is of long-term interest to me, it includes deity meditation practice (via yidams; I am not yet clear if Luciferian samatha provides something distinct), mudra implementation (which I have already started exploring on my own, to great success), and other methods of esoteric interrelating that resonate more with my spirit. It also helps that my local Tibetan Buddhist sangha is entirely lay and does not involve practices that I consider to be at odds with my Luciferianism, particularly guru-worship.

I appreciate that Lucifer gave me space to get here at this time. When I started this journey, I had social influences in Buddhism who at first proved helpful, but I later experienced as discouraging. Leading up to freeing me from those influences, Lucifer initially advised me to avoid traditions from the Vajrayana school. As I was finally integrating this new decision (Tibetan Buddhism belongs to the Vajrayana school), I read the first poem out of a collection by Sharon Olds called "Satan Says." In the poem, the narrator is in a locked box constructed of their childhood trauma and Satan promises to free them from the box if they follow his instructions in indulging in their resentment toward their parents. Ultimately, the narrator follows all of Satan's instructions despite feeling personal reluctance, and Satan does not free them from the box. I understood this omen to mean to not take Lucifer at face value about his previous statements on which types of Buddhism I should pursue. More importantly, he was doing work and offering himself as a sounding board to allow me the space to free myself from the presumptuous boxes I had constructed around Buddhism.

I certainly have much more ahead of me in terms of building a strong, integrative personal practice that includes all elements that Lucifer has been guiding me toward. (I haven't even told you all about my budding psychopomp work... Also remember that I am in grad school. It has been a busy winter.) But I am feeling so supported by him and incredibly optimistic as the spring equinox fast approaches! If this is everything I have learned in only the past 6 months, I cannot wait to share what is ahead for the next.