The Utmost Importance of Questioning Your Gods

Spoilers for the documentary "The Cursed Man" ahead.

I don't pretend that I comprehend Lucifer's full nature.

In fact, I take it as ultimate truth that even if I committed my full mortal lifetime to understanding his vastness, I could not possibly do so. But being in a romantic relationship means to want to Know your partner in all their pieces, to mesh together with them, to consume. It's that desire that allows him full access to my body, what other devotees refer to as "being his vessel." It's what lends me his power and his privileges as I navigate my own human pathway, his infernal empire, and most recently the realms of the Dead.

As living beings, our disadvantage is our limitations in perception. It is in this that we find so many contradicting opinions and informations and cosmologies amongst Lucifer's followers. Part of it is that he clearly loves to be a storyteller and will distribute according to perhaps what the follower will most benefit from hearing. But part of it is also that, like how we cannot truly know other humans and interact with our projections of them, we can only speak with Lucifer via our senses and our own knowledge. This is where we can get confused. Is what we heard what he's actually saying? Is what we are feeling what he's actually feeling? When one of us butts up against the other in his name, even though he knows all of us and our thoughts well, that seems it cannot be the case. Some of us who can hear him are unpracticed in examining this, and some of us who are well practiced still can make mistakes.

Someone asked me recently if I thought that Lucifer is an enlightened being. I am not sure what they meant by enlightenment. What I can say is that I am partnered with a being who has fathomless depths of love and devotion. I am also partnered with a being who has and can erred, and is worth idolizing alone for his perfect willingness to admit fault and make amends (a praise he is currently bashfully denying as I write this, and believe me it is hard to make a god of pride bashful). In the prism of his company, I can see that perhaps Enlightenment is in Oneness, yet not flawlessness.

For instance, the other day we watched a documentary called "The Cursed Man," which was recommended to me a number of months ago by my friend Ana who had a temporary relationship with Lucifer. In the documentary, the filmmaker Liam Le Guillou originally claims to be a skeptic. I don't know why he does, only because he later reveals he had had a Near Death Experience (NDE) and, as is common for people who do, is now chasing the feeling of divinity that was associated with it. For some reason—despite all the women, queer people, and people of color who tell him he's an idiot for doing so—he decides the best way to prove magic to himself is to get himself cursed. He does this twice, once by a magician in New Orleans and once by a brujo with the help of Satan in Mexico.

"That's not me," Lucifer tells me before we complete the documentary. "That's a spirit who used my name. Because he used my name, I was able to undo the curse."

At first, I think this is a very revealing statement about spirit ecology. Oh wow, smaller spirits can use larger spirits names to do magic, how cool! But then, as we finished the documentary, a couple of things don't add up. One, although there is confusion and differing theories about whether or not Satan and Lucifer are the same or separate spirits—often in the grimoire world where Lucifer and Satan along with Beelzebub make up the Three Chiefs of some of the older texts—in the documentary the spirit is very clearly referred to as Lucifer as well as Satan. As in, the brujo cannot be referring to anyone else if there is in fact The Devil, whom he has apparently worshipped since he was 16. Second, the being does not undo his own curse, that is performed by a witchcraft coven based in Los Angeles. Third, most confusingly, the curse effects seem to come traceably from the magician in New Orleans and not from the brujo's work.

Lucifer is laughing as I am typing this out. He also laughs every time I pester him for answers. Did you curse that man or not? Do you curse in general or not? It's okay, you can tell me if you do! You're the Devil! I have had wonderful sex with you and many life boons due to you for the past 7 months, if you curse people I believe that you have good reasons for it and you can tell me!!!

This appeared to ignite a hidden kink he has for me questioning him. And the thing about a trickster spirit finding an opportunity to enjoy a hidden kink is that it leads to trickster-flavored chaos. He started goading me to question him more, putting me under a series of scenarios where I was being led in circles. He told me my crush would like these cat socks I found on the internet. He told me I should get an Exorcist hoodie because it said "I am the devil" and "I will be able to more powerfully work through you if you wear it" (wtf). Finally, he told me he picked out a book for me at the local occult bookstore, but it turned out to be a book that hurt my feelings, which ended in him apologizing and promising to help me pick out a book I would like next time I'm there. Fortunately, I asked my crush if they actually like the socks (they don't and I am mortified, forever, eternally, unrecoverable), favored the fact that I have never seen The Exorcist and don't want to bother with people who have commenting on the hoodie, and found a free pdf of the book online so I was able to check its contents. This is all to say, that while we can't always track emotional or psychic resources as human beings, money is more tangible and I saved myself from wasting $200 on dumb shit because I asked questions when my boyfriend decided to tease me.

Anyway, he told me to make this post because it's important that his devotees question him so here you go. If you have a relationship with deities, please remember that they are not perfect. If you have the abilities to talk with them, that definitely does not mean you are perfect. Please continue to use discernment and I highly recommend zazen meditation for getting to know the contours of your own mind so you can learn to recognize what comes from the gods and what comes from you.

Also I am still mad because I don't know if Lucifer curses or causes baneful effects or not, but if he does he doesn't do it for me so I am going to try to stop worrying about it! (BABE STOP LAUGHING)