My Story With Lucifer

Ciao, friend!

My name is Feebz (pronouns: ze/zem/zir, he/him/his) and I am the author of this Restorative Luciferianism blog. It seemed important to create this page in order to provide further context for potential readers and seekers. While I hold historical and academic sources in high regard for my own spiritual path, I also recognize that personal experience with spirits tends to be most resonant for people looking to further develop their dynamics with the divine.

I have been told by Lucifer that our relationship stretches from before I was born, but in this lifetime I conceive of our bond starting when I was 4 years old and watched an animated movie adaption of Adam and Eve at my Reform Jewish synagogue's daycare. At such a young age, I found the cruel, irrevocable punishment of the snake—as well as Eve—very troubling. One of the unique features of my relationship with Lucifer today is sometimes he talks to me as if I am still 4 years old and my body and perception involuntarily returns to that state in response.

As I aged into my teens, I had a fascination with "devils" as a general concept and wrote a couple short and novel-length fictional stories about them. My high school English class's introduction of Paradise Lost by John Milton was an enormous paradigm shift for me. While I investigated both the Church of Satan and the Satanic Temple at different points, I never pursued either, which in the end was a good thing because both organizations are atheistic as well as... problematic.

Shortly before the COVID-19 pandemic shutdown, I became a pagan and solitary occultist. For over 4 years, I developed an ancestor veneration practice, pursued close relationships with multiple deities, and my intuitive senses evolved both naturally and through practice. I had become a big fan of Jason Miller's books and when Consorting with Spirits came out, it reminded me of all my early life attraction and sympathies for the Devil. I dallied for awhile, Lucifer nudged me as I was falling asleep one night with something of a consultation call in December 2024, and then a couple weeks later I used the invocation in that book to invite him more formally.

What happened was kind of PG-13. I had worn a pair of costume horns, made a mixed drink he agreed upon in the consultation call, put a ram's horn a friend had given me into my lap, lit a candle, and tried to light some incense that refused. When Lucifer arrived, it was obvious. It was like a very arrogant rockstar had entered my room and filled it with his magnetism. He didn't care about the candle, the horns, or even the mixed drink, he just wanted... well... me.

I did not give him me. Instead, I told him the world was going into fascistic shit and I wanted him to help fix it. Also, I wanted his protection. "You should want more for yourself," he told me, clearly frustrated. I don't remember how the order of our conversation went that night other than I was confused and kept making vague suggestions about what more I could have and he kept responding, "NO, MORE!" which honestly has continued as a theme throughout our relationship. Finally, our first conversation ended with him going, "Fine, you have my protection. Thanks for the drink." and then he low key stuck around although we did not truly talk again for another six months when I decided I wanted fame.

That request kind of went an unexpected way. Also unanticipated was that shortly after Lucifer came fully into my life, he offered, "I can be the goth boyfriend you never had >:)" which is really quite an experience from the deity of temptation, let me tell you. Anyway, I finally did give him me after all and, while I am not a godspouse, I'm certainly devoted to him on an incredibly deep spiritual level. What this has looked like on a macro scale is moving to the Pacific Northwest in late 2025 partially on his encouragement and beginning a formal exploration of Buddhism with his guidance. On the micro level, I hold full conversations with him on a daily basis and often feel him "mount" (an African Traditional Religion term) me via increased air pressure on my ears and head. Using that physical connection, we built his shrine in my bedroom together.

One thing you may notice while reading my blog are mentions of other deities—most importantly Astaroth and Beelzebub—and entities. This is because the "lineage" Lucifer has decided is most appropriate for me descends from the grimoire (or Goetic) tradition, putting me on a path to partner with spirits listed in texts such as the Grimoirium Verum and Ars Goetia. As I allude to on the about page for Restorative Luciferianism, I do not conceive of "demons" as a group to be inherently evil or malicious entities, although I recognize that specific individuals can be harmful toward humans. Therefore, despite my ethnoreligious background, I do not use threatening Solomonic techniques during conjuration. Instead, I reach out to entities only upon Lucifer's recommendation or approval and entrust his patronage with my safety, which is so far 100% effective.

So! Hopefully that's all the context you need. Thank you for your visit :)